Can a Whale Live in a Pond?

Thank you for your prayers! Even though looking for a rental home in Seoul was a process full of exhaustion, disappointment, and challenge, there was also hope. We found a place, and named it our ‘Tent of Light.’ That’s our wifi password, so remember it when you come visit haha

We experienced a moment of hope and beauty on a day of breakdown. We were on our way to look at a house option that looked just perfect for us. Two bedrooms, a small terrace, good sunlight. Not the exact location we wanted but neighboring the Itaewon community. Everyday for eight days, David and I had been commuting three hours from my aunt’s home visiting and searching. I was so filled with hope and excitement because of a strong feeling that we would sign the contract TODAY! As we left for our commute, I even told my cousins my feeling of certainty about this home. We were almost to the property when I received a call from the realtor. He said the place we were going to be shown just now was taken by another. Someone walked by the real estate office, immediately walked to the property, and signed the contract right away. My confidence and sureness about this place broke down as I broke down. This was supposed to be THE PLACE! I had to step outside of the subway and cry. I hate crying in public, but I was that disappointed. It had been eight days straight walking 15,000 steps each day in below-freezing weather visiting more than thirty realtors who mostly told us there were not any properties available. (Because of a recent redevelopment plan in Itaewon, more than 10,000 households had to move, and most of them ended up resettling in neighboring areas. Neighboring home values jumped up, and it became very hard to find any available properties.) Today was supposed to be the day that we finally found our home. I believed this option was going to be it. I felt defeated and lost the passion to keep looking.

David, going through this process together with me, held me and calmed me. He helped our search process as a cheerleader, encouraging and keeping us in spirit, but he faced his own language challenge of speaking directly with realtors and initiating deals. Realtors would often doubt his ability in Korean and only try to speak to me. Living in both of our two countries, David and I have noticed an interesting pattern where we let the other handle more baggage in their original home setting. Before marriage, I initiated and dealt with most things by myself, but after, I noticed myself letting David handle things in the US and vice versa. You might say, ‘Yes, of course. That makes sense,’ but is this pattern co-dependence? Fair mutualism? How do we embrace even more mutual effort? Would we still let the majority-culture member initiate even if we each had the ability as a minority to handle it as well? I’m dropping this question because this pattern has grabbed my attention for a while.

Going back to the story, we still went to see the realtor since we were almost to their office. The realtor felt sorry, and showed us a handful of options that wouldn’t work for us. After the search, David suggested we take a coffee break. Walking around, we found a hole-in-the-wall cafe that nested us for a moment. A tangerine tree held its first fruit of the season. A faint breath of yellow freesia welcomed us in. We sipped coffee sitting on sun-kissed bar stools near the clear window. Just then, I realized the home I perceived as ours was just not ours. These orange things reminded me of the beauty of the world. I’m still living in a beautiful world. The world isn’t failing. My world is still here. After our coffee break, we went back to the area where we most desired to live, and ran into a realtor from the very first day of search. He remembered us and showed us a small studio that was posted that day. When we walked into this studio, we felt cozied and at home, so we signed the contract and made it our home.

<Some photos of our Tent of Light. We also got an actual tent as well!>

After a week of living in the new home, I gave thanks to God. Even though it wasn’t the option I originally intended, we were given a delightful home on the same day of my plans breaking down. Despite my breakdown and unbelief, a very good gift was still given. I felt gratitude but also sadness followed. For the first week living here, I spent my days testing if this home was a good gift. I had to experience the home before giving a sincere thank you. I loved this home at first sight, and that feeling ironically led me to be suspicious. I want to be discerning, yes, but why is it hard to truly believe and receive God’s goodness? I can’t seem to nest Your goodness. You are like a whale, but my faith is a pond. Can a whale live in a pond? The immediate answer was a sigh, but the ultimate answer is a relief. I believe that gracious God is still dwelling in my small pond, and inviting me to swim together.

Would you lovingly pray for Songbird in these ways?

1. I have a job interview this week! Please pray for wisdom and clear direction

2. I’m going back to a 색실누비(traditional colored thread quilting) class tomorrow! I pray this will connect me back to the creative community who loves beauty in traditional crafts.
3. That my heart grows compassion for the community, church, and myself.

Nesting Together #8

What kind of habitat would you describe as your faith environment? And what creature is God? Feel free to explore and share in a photo, a poem, or simple words!

Visiting neighboring nests

Other birds' answers to "Did you experience feelings of both joy and sorrow during the holidays?"

Joy: Receiving my new social security card on Christmas Eve with my name legally changed back to my maiden name was my biggest gift.
Sorrow: Not seeming my 18 year-old son for any of the holidays.

Joy: Reconnecting with family and friends on the US mainland
Sorrow: Encountering the tragedies that you mentioned, including be in Pasadena when the Eaton fire started.

Birdwatcher, birdlover...and birdfeeder!

If you want to support my art journey financially, I want to thank you! Your seed will be a source for me to explore the world of creation and encourage me to make beautiful things.